Akarkhin Kurosaki [Finished]

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Akarkhin Kurosaki [Finished]

Post by Akarkhin on Sun Sep 06, 2015 3:16 pm



Name: Akarkhin

Age:18
Gender:Masculine

Love Interest:Females.

Organization:Aogiri

Kagune: Bikaku special ability is the same as Naro

Primary Stats:Health , Attack and Speed.

Physical Description:He have medium muscle physique he stand 1.85 m and have 70 kilograms he usually wear a white trench coat black jeans and leather boots he have bright aquamarine eyes he have white and black hair .

Personality:He is usually cold tending to stay alone he don't give interest to people who don't try to know him harder he can be arrogant , smart mouth  and have an instable mentality he is quite a sadic person if he loose control. He usually is a sad , depressed person , who would most likely see staying the middle of the rain.

History:He is half foreign and half japanese he was born in Okinawa . His parents were ghouls but they died in an accident that marked and made him instable emotionally until a part of his sanity was lost . When he was kid he was always brutalized for his nature . When his parents died he was take by some relatives that were humans , there for he learned how to behave properly . He loved them from the bottom of the heart and when he grew a bit older for him to hold his back he leaved them saying "I love you for all you did , you are my family that's why i can't be a parasite for you anymore."He then moved to Tokyo. Trying to study at the university , he is an intelligent person most likely the smartest in his class. He is usually kind with his friend even if some of them are humans. In the current he moved in  11th ward.  

Residence:11th ward

Other:His mask is similar to the one Ichigo have.
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Re: Akarkhin Kurosaki [Finished]

Post by Live To Serve on Tue Sep 08, 2015 5:34 pm

Alright, I would like to see a whole lot more in terms of both personality, and appearance. Also, I ask that you focus heavily on improving your grammar. Don't think I'm picking on you, I'm just trying to help this be the best application you can make, as it exists to represent you, and your imagination.

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As your admin, I swear to uphold the highest standards of lackadaisical behavior, general goofiness, and all-around pandemonium,

But if you bring your drama into my house, I
WILL boot your sorry butt.

Health 0

Attack 1

Speed 1

Stealth 1

Stamina 0
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Re: Akarkhin Kurosaki [Finished]

Post by Akarkhin on Wed Sep 09, 2015 6:35 am

Live To Serve wrote:Alright, I would like to see a whole lot more in terms of both personality, and appearance.  Also, I ask that you focus heavily on improving your grammar. Don't think I'm picking on you, I'm just trying to help this be the best application you can make, as it exists to represent you, and your imagination.

Don't be mad on me but please explain , yes my grammar is bad looking at the fact that i speak more than 4 languages.A character doesn't need a detailed history to be 'deep'.
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Re: Akarkhin Kurosaki [Finished]

Post by Live To Serve on Thu Sep 10, 2015 8:57 pm

I'm not upset with you; in fact, I could tell English was not your first language by your vocabulary. You clearly know what you want to get across, the only problem is your tense. Like instead of being "take by some relatives", he would have been "taken". In correcting you, I am not upset, I'm trying to help you get better. It adds a whole lot of clarity to your writing.

_________________
As your admin, I swear to uphold the highest standards of lackadaisical behavior, general goofiness, and all-around pandemonium,

But if you bring your drama into my house, I
WILL boot your sorry butt.

Health 0

Attack 1

Speed 1

Stealth 1

Stamina 0
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Re: Akarkhin Kurosaki [Finished]

Post by Shokkou on Thu Sep 10, 2015 9:16 pm

If you want I could proof read it for you. I've done battle with stuff written by people who had English as a second language before, some of it much worse than yours (there was this one Russian whose English was so bad that it took me several attempts to figure out what they were on about and even then it was partly a lucky guess), plus one Canadian guy who had no excuse for his poor quality written English.

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