Saikuron Yamamoto

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Saikuron Yamamoto

Post by Cynightcore on Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:55 am

Name: Saikuron"Sai"Yamamoto

Age:19

Gender: Male

Love Interest:

Organization: Unaffiliated

Kagune: Bikaku. His bikaku part is thin and roughly 3 metres long with a sharp serrated end similar to that of a sharks tooth, it is very similar to that of a snakes tail. Also his bikaku part can change its state of matter and density

Primary Stats: Speed, Stamina and Stealth

Physical Description: He is 1.92cm tall,with ragged, scruffy black hair which reaches his nose and at the back reaches shoulders. He usually wears high tops, blue or purple hoodies, jeans and a plain orange or black shirt. He is a mere 49kg for his height. His mask covers his full face except his mouth, it is purple in colour and it's shape resembles that of a birds head.He has black eyes and wears blue contacts so it seems his are purple when they turn red. His nose points upwards a bit. His skin colour is like caramel but somewhat darker but not as dark as chocolate

Personality: He is not trusting but caring towards everybody who doesn't hurt animals however hides it with a façade that makes it seem as if nothing matters however once in a while he let's loose and unleashes a ground shattering temper which is always followed by him curled up in a ball crying. He also thinks almost nothing of himself in comparison to everyone. He frequently gets depressed when he's alone whenever this happens he thinks about suicide.

History:  He was an Orphan since when his parents died because of ghoul investigators when he was 5 which lead him into a world of despair causing him to think of suicide soon after he had gotten foster parents none of which he liked at all they would always say how worthless he is and how he was a waste of time and space and they only took him in to get money from others making it seem as if it was for him which was what led him to believe that that really is the truth. He began to starve from the foster parents not being bothered to feed him he struggled to live everyday all alone he began to talk to himself hearing voices in his head telling him to kill and when his foster parents sitting he lost control of his body out of hunger and attacked them and devoured them bit by bit. When his parents were alive they taught him to take care of plants and animals. He never went to school but did teach himself things.

Residence: 20th ward

Other: he likes to listen to music he always is listening to it.He us schizophrenic




I am sorry if anything is not possible or something because I have just started the series.


Last edited by Cynightcore on Wed Sep 23, 2015 11:40 am; edited 4 times in total

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Re: Saikuron Yamamoto

Post by Shokkou on Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:05 am

Okay, as requested I'm here to help. Let's start with the basics. First off, delete the bracketed bits on the template when you fill it in, it looks better. Secondly, all you need to know about stats can be found here. Thirdly, try to flesh out the character history a bit more since at th moment it's pretty sparse and a bit generic. For instance, how did his parents die? Who were his foster parents, given that a ghoul wouldn't go into the system for fairly obvious reasons? Was he one of the few ghouls who went to school or is he one of the homeschooled or uneducated majority?

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Re: Saikuron Yamamoto

Post by Cynightcore on Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:50 am

I think it's done

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Re: Saikuron Yamamoto

Post by Shokkou on Wed Sep 23, 2015 11:30 am

One thing I missed last time; you can't have dual kagune. Someone asked if it was allowed a while ago and word of mod was a firm no.

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Re: Saikuron Yamamoto

Post by Cynightcore on Wed Sep 23, 2015 11:41 am

Shokkou wrote:One thing I missed last time; you can't have dual kagune.  Someone asked if it was allowed a while ago and word of mod was a firm no.
ok I fixed that thanks

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Re: Saikuron Yamamoto

Post by Shokkou on Wed Nov 11, 2015 3:39 pm

Okay, I don't know if you're still around since you haven't logged in for a while (I hope you are) but I've re-read your character profile and had a good think about it and there's a few things that I'd like to address.

Firstly, I'd advise toning down the character's mental issues a bit and ditching the schizophrenia. In the case of the latter this is because it is such a complicated and variable condition that just tacking on 'he is schizophrenic' doesn't really tell me anything (plus as a ghoul he wouldn't have a formal diagnosis anyway but that's a seperate issue). In the case of the former it's because unless you really know what you're doing, RPing as a character who's that much of a psychological mess tends to end up being a momumental pain in the arse.

Secondly his history needs a bit more work. From what you've written it seems like his foster parents were human. If they were, then them taking him is unlikely unless there's a fairly complex story behind it and wouldn't have been done formally (ie, they probably wouldn't be getting money for him). If they were ghouls than the usual system wouldn't be involved and again, it is unlikely that they'd get money. Plus an underfed teenage ghoul probably wouldn't be able to kill them so easily.

Also, pretty much everything you've written about the character is about his mental issues. There needs to be more to him than that since at the moment he seems a little 'flat'.

Finally you need to proof-reads what you've written as there's a few spelling and punctuation errors at the moment.


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